Naiveté.

Ahhhh.....
Sounds lovely, doesn't it?

I wish to hell sometimes I had it.


Why do some of us, no matter what our age, seem to hold on to it?
Why is it that some people can bounce happily from one relationship to
another without any apparent baggage or qualms?

You know the type, we all have at least one friend like this.
They get out of a gut wrenching, heart breaking relationship.
Doesn't matter if it was 2 weeks or 2 years.
Within months or weeks they are right back on that horse.
They are in a new relationship and are as happy as can be.

Not a single red flag is seen, not a warning, no misgivings,
no worries. It is all pure unadulterated delusion.
And it seems so lovely.

To be able to not be gun shy?
Not have your gut say 'danger danger danger' and just go
blindly, so hopefully, into the next thing like that?

Wow. I admit it, I am a bit jealous.
I wouldn't say that I have a whole hell of a lot of baggage.
It's carry-on, it all matches, and I am an awesome packer.
I prefer the roll it up method as opposed to packing flat.
You can get a lot more in, and no wrinkles...

The jaded side says of these friends:
'oh god, here she goes again, setting herself up for
huge disappointment'.
Then the other, softer, gentle side (yes I have one, smartass) says
'why can't you be more like that, why can't you just go for it?'

Is it fear? Is it over-analysation?
Ya, pretty much, yup.

Feeling that rush, you know, the butterflies.
Oh man, who doesn't love that?
Unfortunately, my butterflies are moths.

How do I get back to that naive little girl who believed?
I don't, I never was that.
Don't get me wrong, at all, I am a huge mushpot.
Sensitive and schmoopy as hell. (shhhhhh, k?)
But I always have this little warning voice in my head that says
'you are a fool' 'there is no way this is going to work out'
'come on, have you ever been in a relationship that worked out?'
You get the drift...evil little scaredy cat gut I have.
Always sabotaging everything. I have tried to be more open, as I get older.
A little more trusting. I am trying, really.
Cause I would love nothing more than to feel what that is like,
to really be completely and utterly trusting.
Never have though. Is that wrong???

But these friends, those who go blindly.
Do they not have this fear at all???
How did they manage this?
And how do I get some o' that?

I am who I am however, and I guess one day I will just get
tired of it all and get more cats. I have already started knitting so, meh.

My only piece of advice to my dear, sweet, trusting friends is this;
go easy, with care, and take heed of all the red flag moments of your past.

Because there is nothing sadder than watching naiveté get squished.

xxoo
Cheekie