See, I have a problem.
I mean other than the obvious ones:
Smoking (ewww bad Cheekie)
Drinking (not as much as I'd like to)
Being a little nuts (but harmless)
Overreacting
Drama (actually I don't suffer from Drama, I'm just a carrier)
I freckle, never really tan
I feel 16, and act it often
I have a real 'thing' for seemingly 'bad' boys
Yes, I know. But in my defense, they are never really horrible people. And never, ever physically violent (with me anyway). They just kinda run on the outside of normal.
Either in look, attitude, thought...whatever, just aren't necessarily the nice, normal, stable guy that all my friends and family want to see me with. Not that I find nice guys boring at all, in fact, I totally dismiss the differences. I don't like the terms 'good boy' or 'bad boy'.
It's all a relative thing.
And frankly, I know some of the baddest assholes in town, and they are the sweetest most adorable guys you would ever meet. And you wouldn't even talk to them if you met them somewhere. I know it. You might even cross the street, in favour of the guy on the other side who looks like Ted Bundy. Point made and hopefully taken.
So when my friends and family question my judgement. And yes, this has happened more than a couple of times. It hurts.
When I hear or have heard that they will basically cut me off, or that I might lose friends because I have chosen to be around someone they don't like, or someone they perceive as a threat to me, no matter what their good intentions, it pretty much kills me. It diminishes my ability to make judgements for myself, and makes me feel untrustworthy.
I should never, nor would I ever, make that choice.
Funniest part is that not ONE of these guys that I have dated has ever, nor would ever, make me make that kind of choice. In fact, if they knew that my friends or family had said these things it would hurt them too.
It isn't right to place ultimatums and conditions on friendship. Or family (for crapsake!).
How dare someone you love suddenly make it conditional to that extent?
As I said, a lot of people FEEL that they are doing the right thing.
They THINK they are protecting you.
But all they are doing is confusing you, and making you feel more and more alone.
More and more willing to accept less than you deserve the next time. For fear of reproach or judgement.
And what about if you decide to drop the guy and do as your friends or family request?
How's that for a kick to the old self esteem.
You trust your gut, you like someone 'unconventional' and believe you are doing what is best for you, and it makes you feel good.
Then you are told that you shouldn't trust your gut, you are wrong, it is bad, and if you continue it you won't have your friends/family to rely on.
That can crush a person.
No matter what your feelings are, no matter what your judgements are, they are YOURS.
You do not have a right to place your judgement or your values or your conditions on anyone else.
I would never, ever, treat someone that way, never have never will.
I would never ask a friend or threaten a friend with loss of my friendship in that manner.
Never.
If you have serious concerns about how a friend is being treated, definitely talk to them about it. But never threaten abandonment.
That is a really dysfunctional thing to do, and just as emotionally abusive as any arsehole abuser.
Our friends and family are our anchors.
We may drift around in the wind, but they hold us steady.
Don't pull up the anchor on people.
They'll just sail away.
Garaunteed.
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