OK, so this is a subject that has come up amongst me and my friends, and others, more than once.
Dating and the question of 'exclusivity'...
Now, when you are casually dating, is it okay to be dating others?
How many? How often?
Sex or no sex?
Should they all know you are 'playing the field'?
And, conversely, if you are casually dating, but only one person at
at time, do you 'spoil the game' and tell them?
What if they are dating others, and you aren't, how do you handle that?
Or, if you are dating others and they aren't.
Does that make you subconsciously think that they are more 'serious' than you?
See, I have always been a one on one person.
Even when casually dating.
I am just not built for the playing the field. It isn't me at all.
This doesn't necessarily mean I am getting way too serious about
one person, although due to the fact that I am a single mom my time is
very limited so therefore my spare time does end up being spent
with whomever I am dating...
This can indeed come off as more serious than it is, but if I am enjoying
one person's company, and vice versa, and I don't want to play around,
wtf is wrong with that?
Now, dating in and of itself is a whole realm of insecurities and misunderstanding and
sometimes bullshit.
And I am allergic to bullshit.
Although I seem to create enough of it...lol.
So, what happens too when you BOTH lead the other to think that it is an
exclusive thing? Either by outwardly saying so, or by your actions (ie. spending most of your free time together).
Does this have a tendency to come off as 'too fast' and scare off one or the other?
I am really curious.
What is the general consensus here???
Do men want to think that the woman they are dating is only dating them, but feel
that they have the freedom to date whomever they like?
That is the impression I get, and I do know that statement goes both ways.
Some women want to think their guy is exclusive, but want to be able to play.
Or is it a game?
You know, give the impression that they are soooo in demand that they are dating a lot of people, or are at least wanting that option should it arise.
I feel it is an individuals right and option to do what they want.
However, when one person doesn't want to share, and tells the other this
and tells the other that they aren't fooling around, even in a casual scenario,
when is it ok to suddenly decide that you DO want the freedom to date around?
Is it ok? Can you change the rules of the game?
Hmmmmmm....
Curious, cause this isn't high school, adult dating is very different.
Maybe I am naive, maybe I am too intense, maybe I am just not aware of the game.
Thoughts??? Cause I would love to hear them!
xoxo
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
The Rules of the Game...are there any?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
7 comments:
I'm so with you girl! I've never been one to date more than one person at a time although I realize I am in the minority. It just doesn't feel right to me somehow.
I have mixed feelings about it as far as other people are concerned. If it's just casual dating, I'm more okay with it. The problem, as I see it, is that it usually seems to come with sleeping with one or more of the many people they are dating and that is NOT okay. That's when people get hurt.
From what I see, men tend to date more than one person at a time than women, but I admit I may very well be wrong about that.
I think you can date more than 1 person if there is no physical contact involved. Sometimes no one asks for a date and then 2 nice guys ask at once, you go on a few dates, see which one you like the best but when you start to get intimate with 1 then you have to stick with him. No double dipping.
I don't know anyone over here who does multiple dating, but mind you I only know 2 single people and I'm one of them.
I agree with both of you.
Once the physical stuff starts, it's hard to balance things. Maybe it's a female-sex-connection thing.
OR maybe it's just plain slutty. lol.
Just the way I was brought up I suppose.
I see nothing wrong with casually, and I am talking movies, dinner, drinks and nothing more, dating more than one guy at a time.
I have friends who do this, but they barely so much as kiss the guy goodnight. And these days, with so many first and second dates only -especially with online dating- why not just be very cas...that's fine.
I would love to hear a guy's opinion on this. But, men can separate sex from like/love better than we can (or so I am told) so I don't know if the fact that they may be sleeping with more than one woman at a time is indicative of lack of intent. Know what I mean?
I am definitely no frigid prude, ahem, but...I guess I am still caught up in the 'good girl' thing and wouldn't be sleeping with more than one.
Nothing wrong with being a bad-good girl!!! I am very very good at it..
I think it's different for each couple. For myself, I'm not one who is big on dating more than one person at a time. But I respect that not everyone (myself included) is ready for the commitment that goes along with being exclusive. I think two people need to discuss the topic and not make any assumptions about it.
I think that there definitely is a double standard...when I was dating casually on Match I got dumped several times when I wasn't willing to be exclusive after one date.
Or maybe I just perceived it as a double standard--maybe they wanted to be exclusive, too?
I think as long as you're not having sex then there's no reason to talk about exclusivity. Once you're having sex obviously you must have the conversation...and though exclusivity is not necessary, you MUST tell the truth and protect yourself physically.
Hmmm this is very interesting to me.
Not only from the standpoint that it is making me question my inner motives for early exclusivity (ie jealousy, lack of security, other things) but, I am starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, there isn't anything wrong with casually dating a few people at a time.
And Honey, you are right, although I think I would have a really hard time accepting the fact that the guy I was dating and having sex with was also doing the same with other women.
Although, being not ready for a serious relationship, and yet claiming exclusivity or rights to that, is kinda scary. And I guess it would definitely be perceived as 'moving too fast'...and let's face it, how many people are 100% honest about it? and what happens if you sleep together on the first or second date? hmmmm
it's a toughie..
Post a Comment