Naked Flying Babies with Arrows Alert

Ok, you guys know me well enough by now to know that there is NO way I would let the impending doom that is VD go by without a little smart arsedness???

It really is a dumb holiday, filled with dumb expectations that no man can live up to, dumb price gouging, dumb fancy dinners when you would rather have him make you a nice bbq steak (maybe that's just me?)...

My idea of a nice VD? (notice how I can't even really spell it? you should see me try to say it!)

Nice dinner at home, of course it doesn't really matter what it is.
Hell, even take out from your favourite place.(take out is perfect btw, no dishes, no pressure!)
Maybe a nice bottle of wine, fire in the fireplace.
Nice music.

And then lots and lots and lots of sex.
But then this is what I would like everyday so...


Fine. There are lots of women out there who expect the world and beyond tomorrow. I know it. I know some of them.
Hell to pay if you don't measure up. And that one night of nice will buy you about one blowjob and a week's worth of less bullshit.

But that's it.

You know who gets the short end of the arrow? Guys.
I hate to say it. You know I do, defending men is not my forte. Or maybe it is...hmmmmm...

Think about it though.
They know if they do not do exactly what you expect of them (without you ever actually telling them, they are just supposed to KNOW) you are disappointed.
Men hate to disappoint us. Hate hate hate it.
So the pressure builds. Tomorrow will come.
He probably hasn't bought or done a thing, he might have thought about it, but hasn't actually done anything. (maybe hoping that you will actually drop a bigger hint than the bogus 'oh it doesn't matter honey, whatever you want to do')

He goes out, spends 100 bucks on the last sorry looking red roses he has driven to 3 shops to find, goes to the chocolate shop only to find the only thing left is a bag of kisses and maybe a cheesy little assorted mix. Buys them anyway (better than empty handed for sure in his eyes).

Then he attempts to buy a card.
This is a horrible experience for most men. Akin to a bikini wax for us.
I am not kidding. They, as a general rule, do not like cards. It stresses them out.
Too cute and fluffy, bad, too romantic, ugh, too comedic, no sex.

They know that they need the card to do the talking for them, because not too many guys can express what they feel themselves. If they could, Hallmark wouldn't exist. Girls would be getting poems.

So finally they find a card that is the perfect-goldilocks-just right sentiment. It's the money shot of cards.
They fill it out in the car parked outside the house (with a half dead pen they found wedged between the seats-phew, thank god it was there)

So proud, they come in with their gifts of love. We are happy (of course) BUT..........

'The Face'.
The Disappointment Face.
We have built up some imaginary proposal/plane tickets/romantic poems/throw-us-on-the-kitchen-table (oh wait is that just me again? oopsie)



We are honestly not that disappointed, in fact we are touched. It's cute.
Cute though when most of us expect Romance. Capital R.

God, how can any guy win?

I say, forget the chocolates/flowers/cards, have that great dinner, have a great bottle of wine, have a nice night.
No unrealistic expectations, no pressure.
You love this person right? Do you want him to feel like he fucked up? For one ridiculous day?
And have him feel guilt for weeks?
Seriously, ladies.

Of course I can say all of this because I am single. I don't have a V____t_n_...
But it isn't my first bbq. I've been, done and stole the tshirt off his back. Husband, boyfriends...other friend type guy things. lol. So I have a bit of experience in this area, and ya, I probably have been accused of the unrealistic expectation flaw.

And ya, if I had one of them there boyfriend thingies right now, I probably wouldn't be so bitter about VD
(haha, that sounded funny...bitter about VD, hahaha, I crack me up).

I'm not bitter really, I can just see the other side of it now.
It is supposed to be a day about showing your appreciation and love for this other person who has made your life better, happier, more fulfilled.
If you NEED flowers or fancy dinners or chocolate for him to prove it, then I am sorry,
but this relationship isn't going very well.
Hate to break that to you, but then again you probably knew that didn't ya.

Of course, me being me, I do have a couple soft spots in this jaded little cheekie heart for a boy or two. (or five-jk)
And yes, I might send a little note tomorrow, just to show my love.
But dammit, I had better get one first. He should know!

xoxoxo