Signs, Sweet Charity...and Pay Attention You Dumb Bitch!

Ok. Now, for those who know me,
they know that I am by no means a religious person.

Not even close.
Unless you count me in the Sweet Charity view on religion...

Vittorio- So you are saying that Love is your religion?
Charity- I dunno, but I sure go to 'church' a lot


So imagine my surprise today when I met my Guardian Angel.
Yup. I did. Well, ok, she was the most amazing sweet beautiful 81 yr old lady.
And she sure as hell couldn't have picked me to talk to at a more opportune time.

Here's the scenario:
Waiting for a bus in bumbugger nowhere. This little bit of a lady comes over and asks me
for a smoke, offers to buy one off me. 25 cents. I laughed, and said 'no way are you paying me ma'am...' and I handed her one. After about 5 minutes of trying to light it for her in what could only be described as the winds of Hades that whipped through this backwater hell, we got to chatting....

81, come August. Been widowed 23 yrs, but keeps the house up all by herself.
Spry as a kiddie, and smiling like crazy.
Diagnosed with Cancer last year.
Was given 6 months tops. Last year.

Know what was the first thing she told the nurse?
'I'm going to take up smoking again'...she laughed so hard when she told me this.
The way she looked at it is like this (her words exactly):

'I have been lucky enough to be here for 81 yrs. I have had such a great run. So much fun, so much love, so much laughter. I get up every day, rain shine or snow, and meet my friends at the mall for a coffee and a little shopping. I have beautiful children and grandchildren. Why the hell shouldn't I do whatever I want to? Why shouldn't we all?'

I was dumbfounded.
She had such a beautiful, positive vibe about her that I was so drawn in.
Clear green eyes, sparkly and mischievous. (Green eyes are the most sparkly and mischievous btw...lol...). I was enthralled! She was so sweet and warm. Just lovely!

So we share our respective smokes. Enjoying every last evil puff.
The bus pulls up and we get on. She says 'have a lovely day dear' and sits down.
I wasn't done with her yet! lol. And I told her so!
I sat beside her and we continued to chat.
She asked my name, and I asked hers "Flo" she said.
'Oh as in Florence?' I enquired?
She giggled (seriously, full on school girl) 'No no, it's short for Florida, my parent's were a bit nuts'...we both laughed.
She showed me some wool that she had gotten on sale, so of course, we talked crafty crap for a mo or two.

Then suddenly, she turns to me, with this look in her eyes that can only be described as 'pure earnest' and said
'Most important thing to remember, please remember this dear, is to laugh, is to smile, life is funny, even in the bad times, and if you can remember to do that, well you will never feel alone and you will never feel sad'

I just about lost it. Seriously lost it.
I felt like she had just looked right inside me.
I felt so awed. I can't describe it.
I couldn't say a word. She knew nothing about me, my life, what I have been going through.
None of it.
How did she know that those words were EXACTLY the words I needed to hear?
My eyes were filled with tears, not sad ones, humble ones.

It was her stop, and she went to get off and said
'I will remember you, and next time I see you I will bring my cigarettes and give you one!'...
And poof, like that, my Guardian Angel disappeared.

And I was left smiling with big fat tears, the kind you had when you were 3, perched ready to roll...

All the self help books in the world, all the over analyzing, all the talk talk talk, and all it took was one sweet, wise, smoking granny to make me finally get it. Hopefully it sticks.

Further to the surrealness of my day.
Well, I saw him.
Him. My ex. I haven't seen him in 2 years.
Every day for the past 7 years he has been in my presence, thoughts, dreams...I thought I was going to be with him forever. He Was The One.
But.
It ended badly. Very badly.
I heard I would see him today.
And you know what? I thought of my Angel, Florida.
I turned the anxiety I felt around. I said hello to it, then said, but you know what stupidhead anxiety???

It will be really nice to see him. And I kept that thought.

And you know what?
It really was nice to see him.
It wasn't painful. It wasn't gut wrenching.
It wasn't hard.
A bit nerve wracking, but manageable.
I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to run.
I didn't want to yell.

Did seeing him make me miss him? Sure, only natural.
Did thoughts of 'what if' cross my mind? Of course, again, natural.

But, I didn't think of all of these worries when I saw him, all I honestly thought was
'Wow, it is really nice to see him again'.
Honest.
And I left the day with a smile on my face.
And thankful for having spent my day with two beautiful people who were meant
to come into this life to teach me something, if I would just pay attention.

xxoo